Advice for Southern Democrats

By By Zeke Calhoun / guest columnist
Sept. 28, 2003
Like loyal Democrats all across the country, I'm watching the governor's race in Mississippi very closely. If a supposedly conservative state in the Bible belt chooses a Democrat over the former chairman of the Republican National Committee this November, then Howard, Hillary, or Wesley should be able to whip George Bush next year.
The aggravating thing about most Southern Democrats, however, is that most still overestimate the power of the religious right and try to run as centrist conservatives instead of being true to what our party is all about. After taking money from the National Democratic Party, they then try to distance themselves from who we really are.
Southerners need to face the facts and live in the now. This isn't the party of Sonny Montgomery anymore.
Liberal platform
Ten out of 10 of our presidential candidates support abortion, homosexual rights, and increased federal control of education and health care. Our Senate leadership went to the mat to defeat the nominations of Charles Pickering and Miguel Estrada because they were pro-life conservatives.
Our platform is clear. We are liberal and proud of it. That's why in the spirit of unity and with hopes for a Democratic sweep, I humbly offer Ronnie Musgrove the following advice:
In order to counter the effects of George Bush and Dick Cheney's campaign visits for Haley Barbour, you need to show Mississippians that you have some national clout as well by inviting key Democrats to campaign for you. There are several who would electrify the party faithful and raise more money than you'll know what to do with.
Haley Barbour may have close ties to the current president, but you can top that by having our future president come speak on your behalf. Sooner or later, Hillary Clinton will be the most powerful person in the world.
Think of what a tremendous boost it would be to have Hillary use her incredible persuasive power to motivate Mississippians to join her (and you) on her quest for a socialist America. If you play your cards right, perhaps you'll be appointed to high office within her administration.
Champions of the poor
Ted Kennedy could fly a private jet down and meet you in the Delta. Nobody champions the poor like Teddy. The two of you could hold a press conference in front of an old sharecropper shack and propose a few hundred million more federal dollars to try to repair the damage done by George Bush's tax cut. Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get to hop aboard his jet for the next leg down to the islands for a little rest and relaxation Kennedy-style, if you know what I mean.
I'm sure Al Sharpton, the only announced Democratic presidential candidate with any charisma, would be glad to drop in. He'll remind African-Americans that they must register to vote Democrat, and absolutely, positively, must always vote for the candidate with a "D" by his name. There's no need to listen to debates or examine the issues facing the state. All they must do is vote for the candidate with a "D."
Any African-Americans who join, support or vote for the Republican Party must be forced back into line and reminded that anything they have or ever hope to achieve will only come to them from the generous hand of big, Democratic government.
Gov. Musgrove, by being true to your party, by embracing rather than shying away from the ideals of Carter and Clinton, perhaps you, too, can become a governor of a small state headed for the top.
Zeke Calhoun is Craig Ziemba's liberal cousin.