I think I see an igloo in my backyard

By Staff
Scot Beard
Columnist
An unexpected visitor greeted me Tuesday morning as I walked out of my front door to head to work.
There was a ferocious polar bear standing in my driveway snarling and demanding I hand over my coat, gloves and anything else that would help keep him warm.
To tell the truth, that didn’t happen — but I would not have been surprised if it did. In case you haven’t ventured outdoors in recent days, although obviously you have or you wouldn’t be reading this right now, it is just a touch chilly outside.
As of noon Tuesday, when I was writing this column, it was 23 degrees according to the Weather Channel’s Web site. The site also claimed that while it was 23 degrees, it felt like it was 15 degrees.
I think the computer is wrong. Maybe it needs to go outside and find out what it really feels like.
I am not a fan of cold weather. I enjoy some snow, which might be showing up Thursday, from time to time, but I do not wish to pay a plumber a couple hundred dollars because my pipes froze even though I took precautions against it happening.
I have been fortunate enough to travel to several parts of the country and I can tell you New England is nice and it is a great place to visit, but I would never live there. It gets too cold for too long.
I don’t want to spend four or more months each year running my heater. I like it in Alabama where you only have to worry about really cold weather in January and February.
The current cold snap, however, is ridiculous. It is too cold for Alabama.
I can handle freezing temperatures, but they should only occur overnight. It should never be 23 degrees at noon in any part of Alabama.
Ever.
You might think I am overreacting, but I have two reliable contacts that tell me it is too cold.
The first is my best friend, who just got back from spending the holidays with his in-laws in Canada. He said it is colder here than in some places up there.
Go back and read the previous sentence and see if you can find out what was wrong in that statement. Go ahead. Take a minute.
That’s right, it is colder in Alabama than parts of Canada. The land of football is colder than the land of ice hockey and bobsledding.
The other contact is the Weather Channel, which mentioned frost advisories for Miami.
I know Miami is not part of Alabama, but it is about 700 miles south of Alabama’s southern most point. And it is experiencing frost.
Burr…
So grab your long johns, extra socks and crank up the heat because it is going to get worse before it gets better — the low for Saturday is supposed to be eight degrees.
The heat wave comes Monday when the high reaches 43 degrees.
I might have to wear my shorts in celebration.