Columnists, Opinion, Scot Beard
 By  Scot Beard Published 
8:00 am Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Yeah, it is more than hot enough for me

You have to love the weather in northern Alabama.

About five months ago we had several days in a row where the high temperature was in the mid 20s. For most of this week, we will have highs in the low to mid 90s mixed with the spirit-crushing humidity that make summers in Alabama legendary.

Unfortunately, it is not even summer yet.

Miserable days like the ones we are going through now don’t show up until mid July and stick around for most of August. It is mid June and summer does not officially begin until June 21.

Meteorologists say the repressive heat is due to a higher volume of humidity coming up from the Gulf of Mexico.

Since when did crude oil evaporate?

Seriously though, the humidity is ridiculous.

You can’t step outside for more than five minutes without starting to sweat. You don’t have to be doing anything, just stand there — you will even sweat in the shade.

If you really want to know what torture is like, try doing yard work.

I don’t know what the humidity level is, but I know it’s bad because of the front door to my house. The humidity has caused it to swell so bad that it is hard to open.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved to pretend I was a cop when I was little, but I don’t want to have to kick my door down like I’m a SWAT team serving a warrant at a meth lab just to enter my home.

The bad part is trying to leave my house — I almost need a pry bar to get the door open.

I now feel foolish complaining about the cold weather in January. I said I would much rather have warm weather than cold weather.

I guess the old saying of being careful of what you wish for because you might get it is true. Unfortunately the powers that be went far beyond warm and gave me hot.

The worst part about the heat is that everybody asks “Is it hot enough for you?”

If somebody asks me that one more time, I think I will snap. There are two responses I want to give to that question, but won’t because I have some manners.

The first is “What is it like to be that dumb?” The other is “Nope, I wanted to sweat off 100 pounds today, but I’m only up to 75 right now.”

I know hot summers are part of living in Alabama. I know last year had a very mild summer that was enjoyable. I know every year can’t be like last year.

All I am asking is for the oppressive heat to hold off until July and August when it is supposed to show up.

People are in a rush for many things, but a brutal Alabama summer is not one of those things.

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