Safeplace: For victims, a shelter in the storm

By Staff
John Hicks FCT Staff Writer
Since 1981, Safeplace Inc. has provided services for victims of domestic violence in Northwest Alabama.
Safeplace now offers shelter and assistance to residents of Lauderdale, Colbert, Franklin, Lawrence, Marion, and Winston counties.
One woman whose life was changed by Safeplace recently agreed to talk to the FCT about her experiences. To protect her privacy, she will only be referred to by a pseudonym ("Janet") in this story.
Janet grew up in rural Franklin County.
"I married at a very young age," Janet said. "In the beginning, the abuse was subtle. It was a push, or a slur: 'One of these days you'll grow a brain.' He would intimidate me, talk down to me in front of my friends."
Janet said she grew up in a family where verbal abuse was common.
"It didn't dawn on me that it was abuse, until one day he hit me," Janet said. "Then I knew something was very wrong."
Because of her upbringing, Janet had never considered divorce. She'd been taught that a woman should always submit to her husband. When she turned to her family for help, she found none.
"They said I wasn't praying enough," Janet said. "They said I wasn't seeking out the Lord's will. They said that was the reason all the trouble was coming in. My grandmother said I'd 'let the devil in the back door.' So, I didn't leave him initially because of what my family would think."
It was during the seventh year of Janet's marriage that her husband began to physically abuse her. The lives of Janet and her three young children were shattered.
"I'd been going to college, but he had forced me to quit," Janet said. "A friend of mine saw me at a birthday party of a friend's child, and she gave me a Safeplace card. I had a big bruise on my forehead, and she knew I needed help."
At that point, Janet was still afraid to leave her husband. Worried that her husband would find it, she tore the card up.
"He told me, 'I will kill you if you leave.' A year later, he had pushed me down a flight of stairs, pushed me out of a moving car, and held me at gunpoint," Janet said. "It had progressively gotten worse. I knew if I didn't leave him, he was going to kill me. I knew that in my mind."
But Janet never forgot the name on the card: Safeplace.
"Finally, I looked them up in the phone book and planned my escape," Janet recalled. "I came into the shelter, and I didn't know anybody. I didn't know a soul, and I had three small children. I didn't have a job. I had very few job skills. He didn't want me to work. But with the help of the staff and volunteers at Safeplace, and a lot of determination on my part, I was able to get a job and find an apartment and childcare for my children."
Janet's husband was never prosecuted for abusing her.
"Back then, there weren't laws that said it was a crime," Janet explained. "Now, I want to make people aware of what Safeplace is and what they do. It's very important to me."
When Janet first entered the Safeplace shelter with her children, she was terrified for her life.
"I knew that if he found me, he would kill me," Janet said. "A few days before I left, he'd choked me until I blacked out."
But Janet's husband did find her, and he began stalking her.
"He'd follow me to work," Janet said. "He'd follow me to the grocery store. He'd follow me to church. And every time I called the police they'd say there was nothing they could do."
Janet said that the passage of time – and the passage of new laws protecting spouses from domestic violence – had eased her fears of the man who'd abused her.
"I'm not as scared of him now as I was then, because I've grown up," Janet said. "There are laws out there now that will protect me from him. I can talk to him without feeling the intimidation. But we will never be friends."
Janet said her former husband quit stalking her after he started a relationship with another woman.
"He found another woman to beat up on," Janet said. "It sounds cold, but that's what happened. He remarried. They're no longer together, because the abuse continued. He never got help for himself, and to this day he will take it out on his female partner if things don't go his way. He drinks pretty heavily."
Today, Janet has a career that she loves, and she works as a Safeplace volunteer. Her children are grown, and they support her efforts to help victims of abuse.
"They said, 'Mom, if this will save another woman from going through what you went through, please tell your story.' They were my motivators. I knew that abuse repeats itself. I had to break the cycle of violence."
Safeplace offers a 24-hour crisis line for victims of abuse. Other programs include residential care, crime victim assistance, a women's and children's support group,
a batterer's group for court-ordered abusers, satellite housing, in-school programs, professional training, community education, and coordinated community response teams.
When asked what advice she would give to abuse victims, Janet had a ready response.
"I'd say give us a call," Janet said. "You'll find some of the sweetest, most caring staff who want to help you help yourself. The decisions are entirely up to you. But until you have the courage to make that call and admit that there's a problem, it will only continue to get worse. You deserve better."
For more information about Safeplace, call (256) 767-6210 or 1-800-550-9215. All calls are confidential.