A little humor, please
By By Buddy Bynum / editor
Dec. 8, 2002
Okay, folks, even with all the serious business at hand terrorism, talk of war and military base closures, politicians gearing up for 2003, Tom Glavine signing with the Mets we're still in a "holiday news cycle." What a perfect time for a bit of humor.
And where else should we turn but to Argus Hamilton. Oh, you don't know Argus Hamilton? Well, let me introduce you to the man Robin Williams once called "the Will Rogers of the Baby Boom."
Argus is a comedian and public speaker who also writes a daily column of jokes on the news that is carried by more than 100 newspapers in the United States. Yes, but who is he?
Argus James Hamilton III is the son, grandson and great-grandson of Methodist ministers in the South. He is a self-described proud graduate of the University of Oklahoma and is now based in Los Angeles,where he is host comedian at The Comedy Store.
Not too long ago, I talked to Argus about the possibility of adding his humor column to our pages. Read on and let me know what you think.
On the Olympics:
The International Olympic Committee announced Friday it may kick Iraq out of the 2004 Summer Games for human rights violations. This probably won't cost the country any medals. Any Iraqi who could run, jump or swim is surely in Turkey by now.
On politics:
Massachusetts Democratic Sen. John Kerry listed his net worth at over five hundred million dollars. He got this money by marrying a fabulously wealthy widow. Not too many Vietnam War veterans went to the Arthur Murray Dance School on the G.I. Bill.
Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts urged Al Gore Friday not to run for president in the next election. His name is just too damaged. Last week, Al Gore put his Social Security number on the Internet and nobody would steal his identity.
On sports:
Microsoft chairman Bill Gates joined Augusta National Golf Club Friday after a member quit to protest the club's men-only policy. His final interview before the membership committee was awkward. It's not the first time he's had to drop his pants for an insurance examination.
Michael Jordan said Friday he will retire from professional basketball after this season. He enjoys gambling, fine cigars and chasing women. This limits his future career options to the next Democratic president or the British Secret Service.
The Ventana Wilderness Society said a California condor was killed when it collided with a power line in Los Angeles. It's so sad. What are the odds that a California condor would hit a power line on a day when the electricity was working?
Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist underwent knee surgery Tuesday. His aides said he's recovering well. They wouldn't say if it was his left knee or his right knee because they don't want anybody to know which way he's going to lean.
On religion:
President Bush wore a 10-gallon hat to the National Christmas Tree lighting Thursday. He looked like a gunslinger. Maybe that's why the Nativity Scene on the White House lawn shows the Three Wise Men from the East next to a U.N. vehicle with their hands up.
On financial affairs:
The Archdiocese of Boston was greenlighted to declare bankruptcy in the face of sexual abuse claims Thursday. The church is in the same financial shape as United Airlines. It's been a bad year for any organization that frisks its customers.
On war:
The USS Harry Truman sailed for the Mideast on Thursday from Norfolk. It was a seasonal reminder to Saddam Hussein. The difference between Santa Claus and a laser-guided cruise missile is that Santa goes UP the chimney in a puff of smoke.
On affairs:
Journal Lancet reported that three-fourths of the men who died during sex were engaged in an extramarital affair at the time. Adultery is risky. Some men die in the act, some get killed by their wives and a small percentage get impeached.
International affairs:
The British government announced Friday it will release all secret files on UFO sightings over the past 60 years. It's a push for freedom of information. The public has a right to know once and for all whether Prince Charles is a Vulcan.
So, does Argus Hamilton have a place in these pages? Would it make a difference if you knew he was married to a Mississippian?
