Dear fellow moms: give yourself grace
As we approach Mother’s Day this year, I have been thinking about how close I am to having this season of raising a child come to an end – which has, naturally, led to some introspection about what my husband and I could have done differently.
In the end, though, I’ve settled here: we did the very best we could! I’m very proud of the young lady our daughter is becoming. We didn’t navigate every difficult season perfectly, but we did say “I’m sorry” a whole lot. We went on vacations and stayed up late on school nights. We laughed (a lot!) and cried some, too.
Here’s what I would say to all the moms who are just a few years behind me: I know you tire of others who tell you how bad the teenage years can be. The next few years will be filled with challenges you cannot even imagine right now. That’s one reason why it is so important that you treasure every day. Laugh with your kids, get to know their friends and make memories.
But know this: when the struggles come, it’s not because you are a bad mom or because you have a bad kid. That tension between parent and child during adolescence is normal. In fact, to some extent, it is necessary. They need to stretch those muscles of independence. They will need them as adults.
Don’t battle the process of growing up. It will only leave you both tired and frustrated. Our babies will grow up, and our job isn’t to stop that process or make it more difficult. Our job is to guide them in the process, to help them develop the skills and faith they will need to function in this world as a vibrant believer.
May I offer you a few simple reminders, just from my heart to yours?
Trust you children but be engaged. You need to know where they are and who they’re with, but you don’t always have to be there too. Learn the line between helicopter parenting and engaged parenting.
Let them fail but don’t let them quit. Just like you are not a quitter, don’t let your child be one either. Sometimes they are going to fail. They will often handle life’s situations badly, and we have to let them. Don’t be the “fix it” mom. You won’t be doing them any favors if you never let them experience failure. Just be sure to encourage them never to give up.
When you have to choose, be the mom, not your child’s friend. The beauty of these years is that sometimes you get to be both, but there will be times when you will have to choose between the two. Choose to be the mom.
Sweet mom, you are doing a great job – even when you feel like you are not. You’re not a perfect mom, but you don’t have to be. In fact, you don’t even have to be a good mom – be “good enough.” Remember this James Dobson quote: “The average child can survive the average number of mistakes made by the average parent.”
There is nothing wrong with being average. Some days you’ll be exceptional, and then there will be the days when you really mess it up. Never lose sight of this: God chose you to be the mom of your kids because you are the mom they need, mistakes and all.
Your kids love you. Their daddy loves you. God loves you. Rest in that and give yourself some grace.
