Return to the field through the movies
By By Tony Krausz
March 29, 2003
Part two of two
Apparently this scribe is having a little too much fun with the whole Major League Baseball preview set to quotes from Bull Durham, because the column ran a bit long on Friday.
But don't worry, we found space to continue it today.
So without further adue, back to the fun. (Remember all words unfit to print in a family newspaper have been replaced by (spork).
We have got a 12 day road trip starting tomorrow. Bus leaves six in the morning.
The Expos hit the road this season to play 22 "home" games in San Juan, Puerto Rico, to increase revenue, and baseball hopes to have a new city for this Canadian club to move to by the All-Star break. Let's just hope Montreal doesn't actually try to take a bus to Puerto Rico.
Well he really hit the (spork) out of that one, didn't he?
I held it like an egg
Yeah, and he scrambled the (spork). Look at that he hit the (spork) bull. He gets a free steak.
The sucker teed off on it like he knew I was going to throw a fastball.
He did know I told him.
Major League pitchers must feel this way every time they have to throw to San Fransico Giants slugger Barry Bonds.
The most feared batter in baseball today has been so tuned in at the plate seems to know exactly what a pitcher is going to throw, when he isn't being intentially walked that is.
Will Bonds be able to keep up is mind-boggling home run pace without Jeff Kent, this year?
Who knows, but who really wants to test this guy?
-Nuke's scared because his eye lids are jammed and his old man is here. We need a live was it a live rooster a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove. And nobody seems to know what to get Milie and Jimmy for their wedding present…We are dealing with a lot of (spork).
This is true every year for the New York Yankees, but Crash's mound explanation for the players' conference in the middle of the game may ring even more true this year.
From David Wells' tell-all-book to George "The Boss) Steinbrener calling out All-Star shortstop Derek Jeter and manager Joe Torre for not doing their jobs, Yankee stadium may actually turn into the Bronx Zoo this season.
The Boss doesn't handle losing well, and he hasn't hung a World Series banner in two whole seasons. "The House that Ruth built" may be more fun to watch than "Pee-Wee's Playhouse."
(Spork) this (spork) game. I (spork) quit … I quit.
Former Devil Rays outfielder Greg Vaughn has got to be muttering this over and over and over.
How does a guy go from 50 home runs to being released by Tampa Bay?
If that doesn't make you hang up your cleats for good, nothing will.
Don't try to strike everybody out. Strike outs are boring, and besides that, they're faciest. Throw some ground balls, it's more democratic.
For Dodgers ace Kevin Brown and new Atlanta Braves hurler Mike Hampton.
These two one-time premier pitchers will be trying to rebuild their careers this year.
Brown finally looks healthy and ready to return to his Florida Marlins days' form, and Hampton is the latest refuge to escape the Rockies' Coors Field. But these two big guns had better use caution in coming back, or they could burn out real fast.
The rose goes in front big guy.
As Pete Rose makes another attempt to get back into baseball, commissioner Larry "Bud" Selig has plenty to think about this season.
Selig has stood strong in his position of upholding Rose's life-time ban for allegedly betting on baseball, but the commish has been meeting with the all-time hits leader, recently.
Will Rose get to be in front of the baseball world again?
Who knows?
Your fastball is up. Your curve ball is hanging. In the show, they would have ripped you.
Can't you let me enjoy the moment?
The moment's over.
Nice guy and former ace David Cone is trying to make a comeback on the mound this year with the New York Mets.
Cone was once one of the great big-game pitchers with the Toronto Blue Jays and the New York Yankees, but don't expect Conie to be a big impact player for that other Big Apple team.
– The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness.
Philadelphia Phillies closer Jose Mesa is angry at former Cleveland teammate Omar Vizquel. The man, whose name can be interpreted as "Joe Table," is miffed at the Indians' shortstop for saying Mesa blew the 1997 World Series in his book.
Did anybody know Mesa was still even pitching, and more importantly does anyone care if Vizquel insulted this guy in a book nobody read?
-Let's get out of this dump, I'll buy you a beer.
A modest propsal for the Minnesota Twins and the Milwakuee Brewers.
The Twins, one of the better teams in baseball, desperatly need to move out of the pitiful MetroDome into some fancier baseball digs.
The Milwakuee Brewers, one of the worst teams in baseball, have a fancy new stadium that no one wants to go to and by the way the team playes, they aren' t using it any way.
Can we get these to Northern teams to swap homes?
– It's a long season, and you've got to trust them.
Baseball is 182 games long, not counting postseason. It may tick us off on a regular basis from the whining of the millionaires and billioinaires over money, the constant work stoppages and numerous other annoyances, but it sure does fill out some time in the dog day's of summer.
So trust the game, sometimes it can be really good. Also, watch Bull Durham, it's 108 minutes well spent.
