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Please stop asking that dumb question

Published 8:00am Wednesday, July 13, 2011

In early May I remember having a conversation with my friend about the strange weather we have had this year.

From numerous snowstorms in the winter to heavy rains in the spring to the tornado in late April and the drought in June, it seemed as if Alabama had done something to anger whoever controls the weather.

I jokingly asked my friend how bad the summer would be. After all, Alabama is known for oppressive heat and humidity during July and August.

Less than two weeks into July I have my answer. It is going to be miserable…very miserable.

Earlier this week much of northwestern Alabama was projected to have heat index readings between 110-116. It makes me wonder why I and to ask how bad it would be.

It is no secret I prefer cooler temperatures — not cold, but cooler. I would love to live somewhere the average high temperature tops out around 75 degrees and the low rarely falls below 65 degrees.

The reason I do not like hot weather is simple – it leads people to ask the dumbest question in the history of humanity. Is it hot enough for you?

Did you really just ask me that? Do you not see the 10 gallons of sweat falling off my forehead making my face look like a small version of Niagara Falls?

I guess people ask this question because they think it is cute, and it was — the first 100 times I heard it when I was six years old. It has gotten old during the past 25 years.

Maybe I am being too harsh. Maybe the excessive heat and humidity has fried their brains to the point they can’t carry on normal conversation.

It wouldn’t bother me if people said, “Boy it’s hot out there.” I would much rather deal with a “well, duh” statement than a ridiculously goofy question.

Over the years I have developed several responses to this gem of American witticism, but none are acceptable enough for publication in a family-oriented newspaper.

Every year I remain hopeful that nobody will ask me that question, but every year I am disappointed. I have already heard it a few times this year.

Next year will be the magical year. Did I just say that and expect it to be true? I guess the heat is frying my brain now.

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