Archived Story

Snowpocalypse raises odd questions

Published 8:00am Wednesday, January 12, 2011

When I arrived to work Friday afternoon I heard some of my coworkers talking about the winter storm that was predicted to dump up to eight inches of snow on parts of Alabama.

My immediate thoughts were that the storm is nothing to worry about — after all, the majority of the time when inches of snow are predicted we get a light dusting. When a light dusting is predicted, we get the snowfall we saw on Christmas.

I was also relieved to know that I had picked up a half gallon of milk earlier in the week and since my wife, Erin, and I don’t use milk all that often, I could avoid the rush at the supermarket.

I was wrong. When I got home Friday night the milk was gone and my wife asked if I could go to the store and get some more milk and a few other items.

I knew Saturday afternoon and evening would be bad times to go, so when I had to get up and move my car so Erin could head to work I decided to go to Wal-Mart.

It was a good decision since there are not too many people grocery shopping at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning, but effects of Snowpocalypse 2011 were in clear view as workers scrambled to restock shelves before the mid-morning rush.

I knew I had to plan my path through the grocery section carefully as a poorly timed arrival at the sought after items could be the difference between returning home either as a conquering hero with a gallon of milk or as a shopping failure.

I went directly to the milk section where there were only a couple gallons available and about twice as many half gallons. With my moo-juice in hand, I went to get some bread.

I then turned my attention to the other items on my list and as I navigated down the isles I noticed something odd — there was almost no bread or milk, but everything associated with these products was plentiful.

What are people using the milk for?

The isle with the breakfast cereal was full, there was enough chocolate milk mix available to send an entire kindergarten class into a diabetic coma and the boxes of macaroni and cheese were so abandoned they probably thought they were still stuck behind the door with the “employees only” sign.

I noticed the same thing with the bread.

There was enough lunchmeat there you could have had a barnyard full of zombie critters if the meat wanted to reanimate. The peanut butter and jelly looked untouched and if people were planning to eat their bread for breakfast, they must not like butter on their toast.

Seriously, what to people do with all the milk and bread they purchase? Do they have a slice of plain bread and a glass of milk for each meal when snow is on the ground?

Personally, I would like to have my milk with a bowl of cereal and my bread with a hunk of meat in it.

When I got ready to check out, there was a woman ahead of me who was purchasing 11 gallons of milk and four loaves of bread. Yes, you read that correctly — 11 gallons of milk and four loaves of bread.

What does somebody need with all that milk and bread? Octomom doesn’t even need that much.

My theory is she is planning to operate a black market on her street when her neighbors can’t find milk and bread because she bought all of it.

I don’t understand her need to purchase that much, but if my theory is correct, I do respect her spirit of capitalism.

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