By By Robert St.John / food columnist
September 15, 2004
Profiling is alive and well in the fast-food industry. A Pittsburgh high-tech company has developed a computer program that is able to determine which items restaurant customers will order even before they order them. HyperActive Technologies Inc. has created HyperActive Bob (amazingly enough, my nickname in elementary school) a computer program that warns cooks when they are about to get busy and even suggests specific items for them to prepare.
Welcome to the 21st Century.
According to The Associated Press, "The system uses rooftop cameras that monitor traffic entering a restaurant's parking lot and drive-through. Currently, the system is all about volume: If a minivan pulls in, there's apt to be more than one mouth to feed."
The AP continued, "By this time next year, HyperActive Technologies expects to have in place software that keys on the type of vehicle entering the parking lot to determine whether the customers they bear are inclined to order, say, a burger over a chicken sandwich."
So far the system is being tested in seven McDonald's, a Burger King, and a Taco Bell.
This Uri-Gellar-in-a-box computer program has a memory and will one day predict what a full-sized sedan would order as opposed to a sports car or pick-up truck fast-food profiling at its finest.
How "easy" do we need it to be? The computer age has now made it possible for a fast-food employee with an IQ equal to that of a ripened kumquat to know when to slap cheese on a burger, and to anticipate how many upcoming burger orders will need the aforementioned cheese.
Amazing, we can put a man on the moon, we can even anticipate an order for a hamburger, but no one can do anything about the small, muffled and distorted-sounding speakers at the drive-through window.
This news story made me wonder: What do the drivers of specific car types order at McDonald's? At the risk of being politically incorrect, I will make a few fast-food profiling presumptions of my own.
I would imagine that a minivan is the easiest of the automobiles to predict Happy Meals and lots of them. This would also work for the large SUV category, too.
Ford Taurus a sure bet for a Quarter Pounder
Chevy Silverado 1500 truck A Big Mac meal
Chevy Silverado 2500HD truck A Big Mac meal, super sized
Volvo Fruit 'n' Yogurt Parfait
Kia Rio Cinco Breakfast Burrito
Hyundai Santa Fe Fiesta Salad
MINI Small fries, small Coke
Toyota Highlander Egg McMuffin
Mitsubishi No food, the car's inhabitants are too busy playing the stereo too loud and dancing too wildly, like they do in their commercials, to hear what the order-taker at the window is saying through the small, muffled and distorted-sounding speaker
Chevrolet Malibu California Cobb Salad
Saab Hotcakes and sausage
Volkswagen Beetle Salad only
Volkswagen Van Any cure for the munchies will do: chocolate shake, McDonaldland cookies, or an Apple Pie
Subaru Baja Filet-O-Fish sandwich
Chevrolet Cavalier A plain cheeseburger
Chevrolet Impala A double cheeseburger
Yugo Two ketchup packets and a cup of water
M-Class Mercedes Just looking for directions
S-Class Mercedes Checking in on one of their 25 franchised McDonald's units
Bently A corporate executive from the McDonald's home office checking in on the franchisee
And what will HyperActive Bob tell the McDonald's cooks when I pull into the parking lot? "Warning, Warning, system overload! Load up the grill and call in the cooks who are on stand-by, St. John's here again!"
The Jetsons-era civilization is here. Flying cars and robot maids are just around the bend. One day we'll look back and have HyperActive Bob to thank for being one step closer to a complete and total sedentary society.
I just have one final question: What if a school bus pulls in to the restaurant, but all the driver wants is directions to the nearest KFC?
Robert St. John is an author, chef, restaurateur and world-class eater. He is the owner/executive chef of the Purple Parrot Caf, Crescent City Grill and Mahogany Bar in Hattiesburg and Meridian, www.nsrg.com. He can be reached at robert@nsrg.com.